When it all falls down: Or when I fall Down…feels unreal!!

Thank goodness TikTok is still up and running because I’m currently on a staycation in my “luxury suite” (a.k.a. my bed) at Hotel Hospital and it’s a lockdown situation! You heard that right—my body decided to take a tumble as I was standing right next to my bed. My left knee said, “Nope!” and down I went, landing on my already fractured spine like a clumsy ass. My grand plan to be a little independent turned into a full-blown show! Now, I’ve got a bed alarm that’s more annoying than a smoke detector, and I can’t move without “yelping for help” (shoutout to Paw Patrol). My pride? Let’s just say it’s buried six feet under. I’m 41 and I need a chaperone to go to the bathroom?! What in the world?! Apparently, my fall has made me a “legend” around here 🤦🏻‍♀️, according to my aide. Everyone keeps saying, “Oh my gosh, you’re the one who fell!” First time in my life I have a fan club. The rumor mill is spinning faster than a high school gossip session! 🤣

My ride…. Any ideas on how to accesorize?

Since I checked in, I’ve been hooked up to IV antibiotics for my kidneys and a whole pharmacy of other meds. I’m basically a human pin cushion with needle marks everywhere—my arms look like I’ve been in a wrestling match that I lost. 🤪 Thank goodness it’s winter; long sleeves are my new best friends. But this hospital is hotter than a sauna, probably because I’m the only one on my floor who isn’t eligible for a senior discount or the early bird special.

So, on top of my kidney infection, I’ve been graced with a few new diagnoses courtesy of my charming buddy, Sarcoid. Osteoporosis has joined the show, which explains why my spine was able to snap like a twig! My bones are now as delicate as a gingerbread man caught in a blizzard! An MRI also revealed I’ve got new lesions from the Sarcoid and some permanent damage in my knees, which seem to have developed a mind of their own, buckling at the most inconvenient moments thereby sending my fat ass flying! No magic tricks can help at this point—just a bunch of maintenance and treatments in an attempt to keep me on my feet. In addition, due to my low immunity I just tested positive for FLU type A! (Shoot me) I walk by someone and I get sick…. these meds are really lowering my immunity and being stuck in the ER for over 24 hours I’m sure did not help! Now I’m in a room by myself, I guess a silver lining, I may start talking to myself, who knows….time to get an imaginary friend!

Trying to add some humor into the current situation because truth be told I’m scared, nervous, worried and so much more!

When I finally get to leave and join society again, I will be doing so with a walker and sporting a back brace; it’s all the rage in hospital gear…. Congested as hell with kidney pain up my back; living the dream! Tom and Ella had a good laugh, which really boosted my confidence, insert sarcasm. As I roll along with my walker, I’m internally belting out, “They see me rollin', they hatin', patrolin' and tryna catch me ridin' dirty.” I’m determined to make this whole situation stylish… time to accessorize my walker!

I’m itching to break free soon, but I’m waiting on my team of doctors to come up with a plan and now the flu to pass. I’m still hooked up to IV meds, so until they switch me to pills, take Tami flu, get fluids and lactaid number down, I’m stuck here because unfortunately they won’t let me play nurse and handle my own IV at home… not sure why, but I’m pretty sure I could teach a class by now! Tom came today right when I got my flu results, I told him and he walked right out….. I don’t blame him. He dropped off my clothes and a brush. To clarify, I don’t wear those hospital gowns—no way! I’m all about the sweats… no metal for me, I know the drill, but I draw the line at parading around with my ass hanging out!

Just some of my bruising and rashes….. gross right?! All over the other arm as well…. Gift that keeps on giving!

The kids are having a tough time, and being in and out of their lives feels like I’m playing a game of emotional hide-and-seek. Poor Ella is rolling her eyes like she's on a rollercoaster, and it's all because Tom and I are trying to maintain some sense of normalcy and juggling a million things at once, which of course to a teenager is just not good enough. Next week is Briggs' birthday, and we’re keeping it low-key with a brunch for just the close fam. Sitting in lockdown I ordered themed goodies and the ice cream cake he demanded, and boy, that kept me entertained for a whopping 20 minutes. Boredom level: expert! I might end up leaving this place more cray cray than when I arrived—sorry Tom.

True story! I don’t recognize myself.

In the meantime, I've become an emotional PhD candidate, learning about myself and the chaos that is life. Everyone has their own battles; we’re all in this giant game of tug-of-war together! So, let’s keep our judgments tucked away and just be here for one another. I may feel like a skier who’s lost control and is plummeting into a forest of obstacles, but I'm still around to lend an ear and dish out support. Honestly, hearing about others mishaps and lives keeps my brain busy dodging my own metaphorical trees, which is helpful—so thank you for sharing. No doubt I have my moments of WTF, just like everyone else, and if I look like I’m wallowing in self-pity, just remind me to build that bridge and get the hell across it. I mean, I’m still alive so that counts for something, right?

🩷 my Village!

A heartfelt shoutout to my awesome friends and family for simply saying hi or checking in—my village is truly the bomb!

Got the perfect gift from Alex! I’m definitely going to give this Dammit Doll some hell!