Moments: Small moments of smiles are better than none!

Every time I pop one of my 12 pills or give myself one of the 4 daily shots, my brain can't

help but run through all the side effects. I know these meds aren't exactly great for my body and come with a ton of risks. But for me, it's about balancing those risks with the benefits, and right now, the benefits win out, even more than the crazy amount of weight I've put on. (Seriously, my scale is not happy!) This week, I took a break from Humira and stuck with methotrexate as usual. On Friday's I pretty much gear up for a blah weekend, for lack of a more suitable medical term. Really, I feel like total shit.... every single part of my body feels like it got hit by a truck or dragged by a bull in a ring.

This weekend, it was just me, Briggs, and my mother-in-law at home. Briggs wasn’t feeling too great with a slight fever. So, on Saturday, I followed the "rules" and wore a mask around my poor 5-year-old, who just wanted his mommy, which broke my heart. By Sunday, his fever was gone, and I couldn’t resist anymore—I had to cuddle my baby. For me, it’s all about weighing risks and benefits. As a mom, my priority is to show my son that I love him, no matter what. Sarcoid nonsense won’t keep me away from my kids, even if doctors tell me otherwise. They must have colder hearts than mine, which is hard to comprehend!

This past week, I shared that I'm diving into consulting. I need to get my brain back in gear

and reconnect with the industry I grew up in, even if it's from home. I've gotten tons of positive vibes from clients, vendors, and folks I've known forever—some literally my whole life! Even though I'll be working from home, I can still deliver awesome service to clients and keep building those great relationships. Technology is amazing. Huge thanks to everyone who's reached out with such great feedback and support. Those who know me get that working has been a big part of who I am since I was 16, and I've really missed it. Jumping back in with supportive pros, vendors, and clients feels awesome and has given me a spark I haven't felt in a while!

I'm really trying to shake things up in my daily routine. Sure, my situation is pretty crappy,

but just complaining won't fix anything. I know some of you are like, "DUH, I have been telling you that forever!" Yes, I get it but when you are the one living the chronic illness daily the mind games are real! I'm pushing myself to step out of my comfort zone and get more involved at home. I even went outside, sat on my walker on the porch, and watched Briggs ride his tractor and rearrange his toy dinos in the yard. Yep, we've got big toy dinos all over the yard for our guests viewing enjoyment. I'm also working on "cooking" or rather preparing more meals, while sitting on my walker at the stove in the kitchen—figuring out new ways to get things done that work for me in my current situation isn't easy and if you have suggestions, please share. Today, Ella is helping me prepare some Cinco Demayo dinner.....chicken nachos and beef tacos. Ella can really be helpful, when she feels like it, just like every teenager I have ever met, including my ass back in the day. My kids love seeing me outside watching them and helping with the cooking. By the end of the day, I definitely feel more pain when I push myself—my spine feels like it's on fire and there is a bowling ball pushing down on my ass, but then I go to sleep and start all over the next day.

I've realized that if I just ask, I can usually get what I need for my immunity, which means I can join in on school events. Ella's art show is coming up, and they're keeping the exhibit up for an extra day. I'm planning to go to school with Ella before the day starts so she can show me all the artwork. As for Briggs, the teacher is trying to organize the Mother's Day Tea and Pre K Graduation outside on the field. Some parents might not be thrilled if they knew it was because of me, but honestly, I couldn't care less. Being there for my kids' special year-end events is way more important to me.

If you've had the time to read my other posts, you know that my biggest challenge is stepping out and feeling okay with my "new" look. I know it's vain, and we always tell our

kids not to care about appearances, but I really can't stand my current look. Picture a mash-up of Shrek, the Pillsbury Dough Girl, and a Troll—quite the vision of beauty, right? There's not much I can do about it right now as most of my medications add weight, just for the hell of it. Shoutout to the drug companies, your side effects are truly a gift (sarcasm, obviously). I haven't worn makeup since August 2024; fingers crossed I remember how to apply it, or I'll end up resembling a chubby (putting it mildly), big-breasted clown! Do me a solid, if you spot me at a t-ball/softball game or any outdoor shindig, I'm sorry... it isn't a pretty sight, but try to stifle the giggles... seeing me with a walker is enough to send some into fits of laughter, which is my worst nightmare even though I completely understand the desire to laugh.

As you might have noticed, there have been some positive moments recently, but the challenges are still there. That's life for you... even if you're not dealing with a fast-moving disease. We're all on this journey and should focus on the joyful moments, not the negative ones. I want to give a big shoutout to everyone who's reached out with support, love, wise words, pictures, memes, jokes, or just to say hi. The love and laughter around me keep me going and have been a huge part of what inspired me to get back to work! It's crucial to keep the industry you love in your life, even if how you engage with it changes—since August of 2024 I have become a professional with change.