Just Imagine: Current Situation Inside Look
- Alexis Fritz
- Jan 31
- 3 min read
Imagine this… you really want to take a shower, but it feels like a whole production.
Step 1: Sit on the toilet with the lid down so you can manage to get your pants off, thanks to your fractured back. Yep, you’re undressing on the toilet—where you do your business!
Step 2: Grab your walker and shuffle over to the shower to turn it on. Hold on tight to that walker while the water heats up.
Step 2: Once the water’s nice and warm, bring the walker to the shower’s edge, take a step to the trusty plastic shower chair, and plop your ass down. Make sure you can reach the shampoo and soap without stretching too much, or you’ll be in for some pain.
Step 3: Now, while sitting there, wash your hair and body. Not gonna lie, getting to your ass is a bit tricky since you’re sitting on it! Rinse off, turn off the water, and get ready to stand.
Step 4: Take that one step out of the shower to your walker and towel. Try to dry off your round, glamorous self, and if you can’t reach some spots, hey, let it air dry!
Step 5: Use your walker to waddle over to the chair in your room where your clothes are waiting so you can sit down and get dressed.
Today, as I went through this whole routine and looked at my designer plastic shower chair, I couldn’t help but think, what the heck happened to me?! I used to love showering; the warm water used to ease my anxiety. Now, it’s a dreaded task because of the pain and how long it takes. It feels like I’m stuck in a different body while my brain just won’t accept it… especially when it comes to how I look. It sounds shallow but I can’t look in the mirror anymore…….Maybe I should put a bag over my head to prevent myself from having a mental breakdown at the sight of my face!
After my workout (taking a shower), my schedule today included an emergency visit to the ortho…. Don’t be jealous of all the doctors I get to meet. Turns out that I slipped a rib last night by bending down. Yep, my osteoporosis self can’t even bend over right at 41! Turns out the rib I slipped is close to my spine fracture, so now the pain is through the roof! More pain meds and even less sleep because finding a comfy position is impossible. I have to go for 3 more MRI’s….. I’m pretty positive that I’m radioactive from all of the X-rays, CT Scans, PET Scans and MRI’s; maybe I’ll start to glow like a night light to help guide me to pee twenty times a night…..looking at the bright side, literally.
While I was busy playing Dr. on Google, don’t judge I know you do this too, and researching the side effects of steroid toxicity, a list popped up, complete with a photo that I believe was modeled after me. (Below) Seriously, it is like they had a mold of my ginormous ass and the full-on doughy vibe! I can't help but laugh just to give my tear ducts a little break.
My new goal is to dive into the messed up steroid-ravaged brain to find a glimmer of positivity. This week’s positive trinket was being home just in time for my son’s 5th birthday! His excitement was contagious, and seeing that smile melted my cold heart, slightly don’t get too excited. It’s been difficult navigating through the pain and downpour of negative news, but I always try to muster up the strength for my kids! There are times I wonder why the hell I pushed myself when my teenage daughter goes into beast mode, but the truth is deep down, like very deep down she loves me. 🤣 That’s what us mama bears do right? We push ourselves when it comes to the kids and throw our feelings out the window, even when moving like a race car at the Grand Prix….. no fear in it to win it.
Life has changed and I’m on the struggle bus. My mind doesn’t want to accept these changes and daily it feels like I’m a character in a video game where the player with the remote sucks!
As always, thank you to everyone who text, calls and checks in with me. Knowing I have support and prayers gives me strength to fight this Braveheart style battle. (Maybe I need the face paint to help my odds?!) Sending positive and thankful thoughts to everyone.
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