Embracing the Unpredictable: Finding Joy & Support in the Chaos
- Alexis Fritz
- Jan 3
- 5 min read
Motherhood can feel like a whirlwind from the start. The moment that baby starts to cry, life shifts dramatically. Schedules, what the heck is that? Predictability becomes a rare luxury that we had back in the younger days and took it for granted. I have spent time recently discovering new ways to embrace my current chaotic situation, while also supporting my family whom it directly affects. Despite being in pain daily, I am pushing myself to find happiness in little moments through building blocks/magnatiles, racing RC cars outside, conversations about boys, school or just watching movies together.
Wrangling the Wild Beast of Unpredictability
The unpredictability of motherhood with a toddler and teenager was already overwhelming, now everyday feels like a hot mess express train traveling through a dark ass tunnel; making the NYC subways seem stunning. In order to feel more in control, I keep a calendar on my iPhone, a written calendar (made by me with family photos) and created an Action List in word. Yes, my fellow moms, an actual typed up Action Lists of tasks that include status updates. You can roll your eyes because I am indeed organizationally insane, but somehow it provides me with a sense of calmness as well as control.
Some days, trying to get a grip on life feels like trying to ride an angry bull and my anxiety goes skyrocketing! I'm working on this through therapy sessions, lets be honest we all go to therapy and if you don't, you should! My daughter and I are peas in a pod when it comes to needing a routine and consistency. Change is hard no matter what your age and predictability provides some relief to the anxiety. Any other mamas out there go cray cray when the routine decides to take a vacation? What sanity-saving tricks do you have up your sleeves that you can share?
Support, Love & Honest Moments
In this current journey, I am the first to admit that the fact that it difficult for me to sometimes consider the feelings or emotional needs of others; my children and my husband mostly. I am focused on doctors, treatments, hating my new body/face/appearance, learning about the disease and wanting to be a version of myself again, that I forget how it is affecting them.
The fact that my children have to watch me fall onto the floor and have their father come help me up at 41 years old, see rashes all over my body, wearing a mask in our own house, staying in the 5 star hospital resort several times already in 3 months, traveling to see doctors in other states......is a lot and hard to comprehend, even for me.....So I cant imagine processing this at 4 and 13 years old.
My almost 5-year-old son was at a movie the other night with his grandma, and she mentioned I fell, well he dashed out of the theater saying, "I have to go help mommy! She needs me to help her up." So sweet, but at his age, he shouldn't have to worry about stuff like that! Then there's my daughter, who told her teachers she's scared because she feels like she's "watching me die slowly." That really hit me hard. I promised her that's not what's happening; everyone gets sick sometimes, and I'm working on getting back to a version of myself we can all be happier with. I assured her I'm seeing amazing doctors and we're going to sort this out. She made it clear it's scary for her to see my face and body change because of the medication (steroids), along with the rashes and my limited movement. Even my husband has mentioned I don't look like the same person, which is tough to deal with. As a mom, I felt she needs more support and so I connected her therapist with the school. This way they can work together, outside the home as well to help her process all of these emotions. Being 13 in general ain't no pick nick and with her processing disorder it does create more of a challenge.
How much can you hide?
Honestly, I do my best to shield my kids from a lot, but hey, this is life! Stuff happens, and my teenage daughter is too sharp for these things to just go unnoticed. I avoid talking about treatments or doctors around them. I focus on the present. We hang out when they come home from school, have dinner together every night, and I try to keep my mood steady, even with all the meds I’m on. Not gonna lie, the steroid side affects sometimes shine through and my patience is non-existent. I feel terrible after the adult tantrum is over but the truth is I cant even spot it coming; sneaks up on me mentally with zero warning.
Motherhood can often feel isolating, especially during more unpredictable times, currently. I am trying my best to do what is beneficial for everyone but I am no expert. I haven't walked down this road before, but of course I feel like shit that it is affecting my kids, our life, my mental state etc. Building a solid support network has helped to keep some sort of sanity. I have those few who listen, understand and hold no judgement against the road I am walking. Whats that new tiktok trend, "We listen and we don't judge."
Embracing the Journey Ahead
As mothers, we possess resilience that shines through the challenges. I am working to find that resilience and pushing anyway possible to secure the necessary support; at home Physical Therapy several times a week, immunology appointments to attempt to build up my immunity against the medications and heading back to the Mayo Clinic to set a plan in motion.
This too shall pass and be a distant memory for our family. However, my children will know that their mother fought and watch me win the battle. They will be proud of who I am and know that no matter what they are faced with in the future, they too can use their strength for the best. The unpredictable moments are what ultimately shape our our lives and families.
Sometimes we just have to embrace the chaos, give into the unpredictability of being a mom, and savor every special moment we encounter, no matter what's happening at home. We moms somehow find that inner strength, so don't let anyone doubt your journey or how you handle things around you.
These ladies have my back every day, making me laugh and never judging. They don’t even know how much that means to me! So thankful and lucky to have them.
Please email, post or share tips, thoughts, positive energy!
TikTok: @alexisfmamalife
Facebook: @Alexis Kaminoff Fritz
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