Crying or laughing: No in Between

Last night, I totally lost it on a poor nurse in the ER. My stomach and back have been killing me, and my rheumatologist sent me there to get checked out. Not exactly how I wanted to spend my Saturday night, but I figured it was better than risking my spleen blowing up.

Not moving a lot today- too much pain and drug side effects…. Taking it easy!

I got into an ER room pretty quickly, but after two hours, not a single doctor had come to see me or even say hi. I was in pain, exhausted, and super frustrated; those steroids really mess with my mood. So there I was, sitting on the hospital bed, crying like a total mess. I mean, we’re talking full-on panic attack here. When the nurse finally came in, I just lost it and told her that if my spleen was going to burst, I’d be dead by now, and I wanted to sign out because this was ridiculous. Somehow, that nurse managed to talk me into staying, and I’m really glad she did.

Eventually, they came in with some pain meds and started an IV for hydration. They took my blood, and soon after, I went for a CT scan. Good news: my spleen didn’t explode, though it still has lesions. Turns out, I actually fractured my spine. I must have done it during one of my not-so-graceful falls this week. The downside is that the sarcoidosis makes my bones weaker, so fractures and breaks are just more likely to happen.

I definitely made it a point to apologize to the nurse! I filled her in on what’s been going on and how fed up I am with this awful illness. I told her it feels like I’m either cracking up or losing it—no in-between. She was super understanding, and we ended up having some good chats for the rest of my time at Plainview Hospital Hotel. I wouldn’t be surprised if there’s a note in my file saying I’m a bit of a wild card. 🤪

Amount of meds is nuts now…. I need a larger pill container to hold them all!

As for the spine fracture, it’s all about resting and taking pain meds along with muscle relaxers. And my mental state? Yeah, that’s probably not changing anytime soon. Honestly, these days, even I can’t tell if I’m going to be laughing or crying—I just kind of explode. So, my apologies in advance!

As always, thanks to all my family and friends for the support throughout this challenging journey. (Shit show) Especially to those showing such patience and love to my kids and husband.:… as hard as this is for me it’s been even harder for them to process and watch.